1 00:00:13,62 --> 00:00:20,07 Books. Just get shot then forgot who forgot because this is 2 00:00:20,08 --> 00:00:25,35 a. Man he chooses to look at chess wants to go I want to know how the fuck did this 3 00:00:25,36 --> 00:00:26,38 happen how did you look at 4 00:00:26,39 --> 00:00:30,04 a little fucking Asian security guard fucking sneak up on us like that I completely 5 00:00:30,05 --> 00:00:35,53 underestimated her I feel real bad you did you fuck you fuck me and calm you fuck 6 00:00:35,54 --> 00:00:39,33 the substantial You had one fucking job while you were supposed to go to the teller 7 00:00:39,34 --> 00:00:44,73 I was supposed to stand by the back door to my dealers what you. Could do this it 8 00:00:45,56 --> 00:00:50,26 was documented challenge you on the other I also spent so I don't want to mention 9 00:00:50,27 --> 00:00:53,65 it to the fuckin robber it's don't want to be as intimidating as possible but he's 10 00:00:53,66 --> 00:00:57,53 fucking penniless really sixty or do you know what the code was for have 11 00:00:57,54 --> 00:01:03,49 a read out of box hammer of mobs that he was sure on those who like to do a Q. 12 00:01:03,61 --> 00:01:07,34 Fuck you spend the night it doesn't matter Chris text Tony tell him out he's been 13 00:01:07,35 --> 00:01:10,96 shot and that we're on our way yeah off let me finish his tax records I know who 14 00:01:10,97 --> 00:01:14,20 the fuck would you ever be texting or not you know if you don't text that girl from 15 00:01:14,21 --> 00:01:17,88 the hospital should call the hospice Groover the bank where yes no taking 16 00:01:17,89 --> 00:01:21,58 a hostage now took the lyrics herself with we need to get to Tony's 17 00:01:21,59 --> 00:01:23,57 a great new stooge she sent me 18 00:01:23,58 --> 00:01:30,02 a sex toy and see the sun up now yeah next night. 19 00:01:31,61 --> 00:01:33,08 I do this girls definitely makes 20 00:01:33,09 --> 00:01:36,81 a good fuck you Chris just text her you know what an ass so I think you're just 21 00:01:36,82 --> 00:01:40,60 fucking jealous too you're probably just chill it's just so you look here's to big 22 00:01:40,61 --> 00:01:47,02 deal you know you fuck a couple of assholes. Use those Hon Oh Mom you're making 23 00:01:47,03 --> 00:01:50,94 a real hard for me to be your friend right now don't think you just just assume. 24 00:01:52,14 --> 00:01:57,50 That you got them girls number no no I'm not jealous of that shit fuck you. Your 25 00:01:57,51 --> 00:02:04,23 pussy you're jealous. Because. It takes that Mexican church going home Percocet. 26 00:02:05,33 --> 00:02:09,01 She and her friends Scott cousins are with us in one hour. 27 00:02:40,77 --> 00:02:46,66 How are you how are you tonight. I wish that would happen in real life you just ask 28 00:02:46,67 --> 00:02:53,29 someone How are you and they're like ooh. Ooh. Ooh. 29 00:02:55,02 --> 00:03:01,22 Ooh. So want to see how long I can take league. I don't really 30 00:03:01,85 --> 00:03:05,90 like going to the hairdresser it's not my thing I just never know what to say I 31 00:03:05,91 --> 00:03:10,04 always end up saying I just want something really different and I realise what I'm 32 00:03:10,05 --> 00:03:16,31 trying to say is I just want to change my face. I want to look like Emma Watson 33 00:03:17,16 --> 00:03:23,84 I want to smell like candy all the time I want to look like I care please take the 34 00:03:23,85 --> 00:03:29,30 dead look at of my ass. I have 35 00:03:29,31 --> 00:03:33,62 a boyfriend that's real and I don't we've been together for 36 00:03:33,63 --> 00:03:37,46 a while I don't really call my period my period of my boyfriend anymore I just come 37 00:03:37,47 --> 00:03:41,44 running out of the bathroom shouting I am good. Cook. 38 00:03:45,70 --> 00:03:52,55 Oh yeah. It happens every time but the 39 00:03:52,56 --> 00:03:53,40 thing is having 40 00:03:53,41 --> 00:03:59,56 a baby wouldn't even break the bank because it's already so so broken. I am on 41 00:03:59,57 --> 00:04:00,74 birth control though and it's like 42 00:04:00,75 --> 00:04:04,08 a really sensitive thing it kind of sucks like if I miss 43 00:04:04,09 --> 00:04:08,37 a pill have another period it's just how it works with my body so I'll miss 44 00:04:08,38 --> 00:04:10,28 a pill I'll have a period I have 45 00:04:10,29 --> 00:04:14,27 a second period and after the third period it just becomes an ellipsis like. 46 00:04:19,69 --> 00:04:26,42 This. I'm a middle school educator that's what I do for 47 00:04:26,43 --> 00:04:33,07 a living you know. I wish that the kids 48 00:04:33,08 --> 00:04:39,36 reacted that way. Sometimes like the kids like to call me out on stuff like 49 00:04:39,37 --> 00:04:44,37 a girl came up to me the other day and she was like Miss You have ripped jeans on 50 00:04:44,38 --> 00:04:44,56 that's 51 00:04:44,57 --> 00:04:49,94 a dress code violation you have to change and I was like Good thing I'm an adult 52 00:04:49,95 --> 00:04:54,93 and I don't have to do that she continued further and I was like Oh Miss That's not 53 00:04:54,94 --> 00:05:00,94 fair if I had big jeans on would you make me change and I was like No Some not 54 00:05:00,95 --> 00:05:07,88 a narc. Of course not. I don't get paid enough 55 00:05:07,89 --> 00:05:12,15 to do that plus snitches get stitches everybody knows that. 56 00:05:15,16 --> 00:05:19,57 I like to play this game at work called the whitest thing I've ever heard I don't 57 00:05:19,58 --> 00:05:24,22 know if you've ever done this but I. Used to think that the way this thing I'd ever 58 00:05:24,23 --> 00:05:28,50 heard was that documentary was so good I can't even listen to 59 00:05:28,51 --> 00:05:35,02 a podcast right now. Then I heard something else 60 00:05:35,92 --> 00:05:41,91 and the way it is thing I've ever heard is I took mushrooms and Jesus told me to 61 00:05:41,92 --> 00:05:44,35 help the inner city black children so that's why I'm 62 00:05:44,36 --> 00:05:52,82 a teacher. What 63 00:05:52,86 --> 00:05:57,35 Jesus didn't tell him to do that he told himself to do that and his subconscious 64 00:05:57,36 --> 00:06:02,04 told him I think I'm just jealous because like he chose to work with kids but I 65 00:06:02,05 --> 00:06:08,04 work with kids because I screwed up in life. One too many mistakes and I'm afraid 66 00:06:08,05 --> 00:06:14,82 to admit that I like it. My mom found out that I do stand up and she immediately 67 00:06:14,83 --> 00:06:21,81 started writing her own material. So this is my mom if she were to do stand up 68 00:06:21,82 --> 00:06:21,93 for 69 00:06:21,94 --> 00:06:33,66 a show we bring her up she would do. OK says Josie read. Alright 70 00:06:33,98 --> 00:06:38,75 I don't do Facebook alright I do face to face so my right. 71 00:06:42,26 --> 00:06:47,42 All right I don't do smart phones because I'm smart and I write. 72 00:06:51,25 --> 00:06:54,97 All right I don't do G.P.S. I do P.M.S. 73 00:06:54,97 --> 00:07:00,65 Get the first get on my way am I right get out of here get AM on get out get out of 74 00:07:00,67 --> 00:07:06,54 here get out. Here. 75 00:07:09,15 --> 00:07:12,65 Do you there. Went to the doctor for 76 00:07:12,66 --> 00:07:16,89 a check up said everything was alright you know but he was concerned about the way 77 00:07:16,90 --> 00:07:18,53 my lips move when I laugh. 78 00:07:27,49 --> 00:07:33,72 My husband's an alcoholic. My daughter so much. 79 00:07:35,40 --> 00:07:36,99 All right that was Josie re. 80 00:07:42,31 --> 00:07:46,28 So dark at the end so dark we did have like 81 00:07:46,29 --> 00:07:50,06 a lot of family issues growing out but instead of going to 82 00:07:50,07 --> 00:07:55,19 a therapist to solve them we just went on really long road trips. Worked it out 83 00:07:55,20 --> 00:08:00,45 that way Mom was in the front like why do you drink so much my dad's like it's not 84 00:08:00,46 --> 00:08:04,86 my fault and I'm in the back like Jenny From The Block used to have. 85 00:08:09,09 --> 00:08:13,34 My brother was like shut up Gabby everyone can hear you and I was like oh. 86 00:08:17,11 --> 00:08:23,44 Yeah it was really fun. So much. I'm going to get off on this one this is 87 00:08:23,45 --> 00:08:30,08 a really sad moment in life. This never happens to you so my impression of an empty 88 00:08:30,09 --> 00:08:30,97 ketchup bottle. 89 00:08:46,59 --> 00:08:47,31 Have Been day. 90 00:09:07,86 --> 00:09:14,55 So. Thank you so much. 91 00:09:44,42 --> 00:09:47,90 Nothing's ever been scary to me even when as 92 00:09:47,91 --> 00:09:52,54 a kid movies they really didn't scare me really even the thing with all the little 93 00:09:52,54 --> 00:09:59,28 . I thought it was cool I know it was scary but I think I'm so 94 00:09:59,29 --> 00:10:04,03 desensitized by horror movies now that it really takes the fun out of them I mean 95 00:10:04,08 --> 00:10:09,77 what was the last movie that scared you the Smurfs why they're making more of them 96 00:10:10,23 --> 00:10:14,22 no but I mean like the Paranormal Activity movies for instance I mean those scared 97 00:10:14,23 --> 00:10:18,59 you right those paranormal activities really rely on our imagination to be scary 98 00:10:18,66 --> 00:10:22,80 Otherwise it's just bad noises and bad filmmaking with James as warped imagination 99 00:10:22,81 --> 00:10:29,59 he probably thinks that family what. What what was it about E.T. 100 00:10:30,20 --> 00:10:34,47 Oh you don't know oh man James is so deathly afraid of E.T. 101 00:10:34,47 --> 00:10:37,52 . Brad you are 102 00:10:37,53 --> 00:10:44,14 a genius I am. I know how to make or movies find in we 103 00:10:44,15 --> 00:10:50,47 make our own. James 104 00:10:51,74 --> 00:10:56,27 How long have you been standing there. I'm pretty sure there's something outside 105 00:10:57,03 --> 00:10:58,90 really fucking coward. 106 00:11:10,06 --> 00:11:16,70 No the show goes. First you have to start off 107 00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:20,83 with some mystery something strange that tells the audience that danger is lurking 108 00:11:20,84 --> 00:11:23,79 nearby even if the protagonist doesn't know it yet. 109 00:11:31,45 --> 00:11:36,02 Because you saw a stranger on by you well like a dog like 110 00:11:36,03 --> 00:11:42,24 a dog dogs are strange something about this tall real slow and no sorry I didn't I 111 00:11:42,25 --> 00:11:48,97 didn't see anything. In there I don't talk about movies OK it's moved from here 112 00:11:48,98 --> 00:11:50,12 back up to quarantine. 113 00:12:10,13 --> 00:12:15,80 Once the threat is introduced it needs to get close to our protagonist making him 114 00:12:15,81 --> 00:12:17,74 aware of its presence. 115 00:12:32,13 --> 00:12:38,84 Out there. Now that he knows something is going on 116 00:12:39,69 --> 00:12:44,75 now that he's on edge we really have to introduce some terror into his life we have 117 00:12:44,76 --> 00:12:50,32 to put his life in danger so that the audience feel sorry for. All my God Brian 118 00:12:50,84 --> 00:12:53,58 what's going on. James. 119 00:12:59,45 --> 00:13:03,99 I'm dying. Shit I thought it was just 120 00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:10,18 a matching things but. He really is coming after me. Both ways 121 00:13:10,87 --> 00:13:17,36 only you could of known well it could kill me if you go. Near the. 122 00:13:23,67 --> 00:13:23,83 Fire. 123 00:13:43,25 --> 00:13:50,25 Think we're taking this too far do you. Know. They are you sure you're not 124 00:13:50,26 --> 00:13:54,86 going to cause them to actually go over the edge or worse hurt somebody for 125 00:13:54,87 --> 00:13:55,59 oversized there's 126 00:13:55,60 --> 00:14:02,52 a horror movie nothing's really at stake. Can't believe this is happening. 127 00:14:04,21 --> 00:14:09,28 Right the whole time it's real. And you killed right. 128 00:14:18,69 --> 00:14:24,97 Or. Was this. There. 129 00:14:26,54 --> 00:14:28,30 Was this possible that. 130 00:14:48,87 --> 00:14:53,26 You can see horrible and that it's generic can't hurt or cammies. 131 00:16:04,21 --> 00:16:11,17 You guys have to stop it or you know the baseball was funny and and the van full 132 00:16:11,18 --> 00:16:11,46 of G. 133 00:16:11,47 --> 00:16:17,81 Men was was kind of impressive. But it fit in my cause it was too far I could have 134 00:16:17,82 --> 00:16:22,56 been seriously hurt but I fainted you fainted We did my thing in your closet I 135 00:16:22,57 --> 00:16:27,00 really could I could have fallen on the knife or I could hit my head and broke my 136 00:16:27,01 --> 00:16:31,82 neck like Zach Braff the moment she movie he did I can't leave baited James we 137 00:16:31,83 --> 00:16:38,39 don't put anything in your closet do yes you did no we didn't James OK yeah maybe 138 00:16:38,40 --> 00:16:42,39 we did the baseball and yeah the man was pretty cool but I didn't put anything in 139 00:16:42,40 --> 00:16:45,01 your closet but record got to turn on the camera because he's 140 00:16:45,02 --> 00:16:51,62 a dipshit so we gave it up good job Brad really this this piece it's got to stop OK 141 00:16:51,89 --> 00:16:56,14 I know you did it no thought you guys are going to get us back for the. 142 00:17:00,29 --> 00:17:04,75 We took it too far didn't we we'll be fine food cleaning this closet He's clearly 143 00:17:04,76 --> 00:17:08,76 having a mental breakdown No I did you should've seen us walk around like 144 00:17:08,77 --> 00:17:15,52 a fish earth was good for you. It's all right but we can lost track of the 145 00:17:15,53 --> 00:17:16,83 point I mean I'm not 146 00:17:16,84 --> 00:17:49,88 a more severe than James's because here is overrated. Oh 147 00:17:50,38 --> 00:17:55,64 dude I told you it was scary James get the fuck out of my house asshole. 148 00:18:06,16 --> 00:18:10,54 And then I fell off the wall badly injured I'm going to cry out for help as my 149 00:18:10,55 --> 00:18:15,97 insides slowly rose from my wounds I await help from the Royal Guard and the elite 150 00:18:15,98 --> 00:18:21,02 team of surgeons brought to me by the king himself it's at this moment that I knew 151 00:18:21,03 --> 00:18:25,93 I was do you know no matter how many times you tell it it never gets old of course 152 00:18:25,94 --> 00:18:29,46 it gets old that's the whole point I'm sick of falling off the damn wall it's been 153 00:18:29,47 --> 00:18:33,14 the same old routine for the past God knows how long I have more to give than 154 00:18:33,15 --> 00:18:40,03 slapstick blueberry I'm about to fall here I go Look he's about to fall I'm not 155 00:18:40,04 --> 00:18:44,55 about to fall you idiot I was demonstrating how predictable this whole act is yeah 156 00:18:44,56 --> 00:18:44,89 well it's 157 00:18:44,90 --> 00:18:49,20 a good act maybe to the common mouth breathing mouse click monkey but I'm not about 158 00:18:49,21 --> 00:18:53,76 to end up an international online sensation Hey whatever works Man Well I'm an 159 00:18:53,80 --> 00:18:57,89 artist and I'm ready to branch out I mean don't you feel stuck in 160 00:18:57,90 --> 00:19:02,76 a rut doing the same thing over and over again well not really I mean we're hit 161 00:19:02,77 --> 00:19:06,96 doing what we do you know it's worked all these years I mean why change the formula 162 00:19:06,97 --> 00:19:09,04 and jeopardize a good thing because there's 163 00:19:09,05 --> 00:19:14,45 a hunger burning inside to let out what more you can be Hasn't there been one time 164 00:19:14,46 --> 00:19:17,98 where you wished the cow never cleared that. All that is 165 00:19:17,99 --> 00:19:22,94 a dog didn't laugh but didn't interpret of Dad's. Look we all of 166 00:19:22,95 --> 00:19:26,42 a job to do some of us jump over moon some of us laugh at the sight of things some 167 00:19:26,43 --> 00:19:30,95 of us sit and talk in corners even Christmas parties our job is to run away it's 168 00:19:30,96 --> 00:19:34,51 what God put us on this earth to do when I'm not going to miss what God's plan so 169 00:19:34,52 --> 00:19:38,08 you think all you're good for is being cowardly would you tell Jack and Jill that 170 00:19:38,12 --> 00:19:41,08 all they're good at is failing that Jack can only jump over 171 00:19:41,09 --> 00:19:45,72 a candlestick as poetic as that may be I want to show you something something that 172 00:19:45,73 --> 00:19:50,66 will show you we're more than bit players and half cocked children's verses this is 173 00:19:50,67 --> 00:19:56,35 a painting I created what is it isn't it obvious. It's 174 00:19:56,36 --> 00:20:01,75 a symbol of the destruction of status quo in stereotypes. Look this is the wall I 175 00:20:01,76 --> 00:20:05,48 sit on it's destruction and ultimately I'm really ation our product of it no longer 176 00:20:05,49 --> 00:20:09,09 being tended to because its uses become obsolete so you painted half 177 00:20:09,10 --> 00:20:11,31 a wall I expressed 178 00:20:11,35 --> 00:20:17,13 a feeling through art Well I'd stick to falling off walls you would think that but 179 00:20:17,14 --> 00:20:21,06 maybe I'll change your mind if given an option you know what options well I've 180 00:20:21,07 --> 00:20:25,16 written a play I have roles in here with several characters in mind including 181 00:20:25,17 --> 00:20:30,64 a single Yes So what's this thing about it's called My head's not that big Yeah I 182 00:20:30,65 --> 00:20:35,01 can read Yes well it's about a man living in a world that perceives him as having 183 00:20:35,02 --> 00:20:38,78 a cranium that's so large he must be an idiot it's rather 184 00:20:38,79 --> 00:20:42,40 a you'll play the parts of the oversized dinner where the townspeople make for him 185 00:20:42,41 --> 00:20:42,50 as 186 00:20:42,51 --> 00:20:46,96 a child support will is there any running away and why would there be the roles are 187 00:20:46,97 --> 00:20:50,48 so much more fulfilling than that you get an important scene in which the 188 00:20:50,49 --> 00:20:54,18 dinnerware talks of the big headed man reassuring him that even though his whole 189 00:20:54,19 --> 00:20:59,13 body is essential The ahead he still knows how to do we get to run away after that 190 00:20:59,20 --> 00:21:05,72 no why do you insist on running away we've gone over this it's what we do the whole 191 00:21:05,73 --> 00:21:10,81 scene without the running This is just not as interesting look I'm trying to help 192 00:21:10,82 --> 00:21:12,83 you here it's not like we're on a T.V. 193 00:21:12,84 --> 00:21:14,56 Show in reruns we don't have 194 00:21:14,57 --> 00:21:19,50 a couple hundred episodes to mix things out it's the same stupid story over and 195 00:21:19,51 --> 00:21:23,17 over and over and over and over all I knows is that if I give it 196 00:21:23,18 --> 00:21:25,93 a break and try something else for a bit I might not have 197 00:21:25,94 --> 00:21:30,58 a job to come back to they could easily replace me with a war or a spatula or 198 00:21:30,59 --> 00:21:36,37 a walrus or try to sex it up with some playmates that's what you're afraid of being 199 00:21:36,38 --> 00:21:40,06 replaced look some of us are content if you want to make paintings of walls and 200 00:21:40,07 --> 00:21:43,01 write soap operas about big head that's great but I'm happy being 201 00:21:43,02 --> 00:21:44,03 a spoon that runs away with 202 00:21:44,04 --> 00:21:49,37 a Dish five pitch the idea to ween really Winky when he's not dinner where he can 203 00:21:49,49 --> 00:21:50,63 act it out 204 00:21:50,67 --> 00:21:56,52 a transformation takes place yeah good luck with that just salad spoon would you 205 00:21:56,53 --> 00:22:00,94 care for some salad Yeah some things they would. No you do when you hit me are you 206 00:22:00,95 --> 00:22:05,13 crazy screw what I thought that's how you eat by someone throwing food at me No 207 00:22:05,14 --> 00:22:05,35 you're 208 00:22:05,36 --> 00:22:11,02 a smooth I thought you dip your head in your food OK one of these jazz hands you 209 00:22:11,03 --> 00:22:12,17 know what good luck with 210 00:22:12,18 --> 00:22:19,04 a little projects I have to go in for. Looks like I have 211 00:22:19,05 --> 00:22:26,00 to run. He's my right simple minded rube stating your status 212 00:22:26,01 --> 00:22:31,47 quo God forbid you apply your. Own Oh you've got to be kidding me. 213 00:22:32,91 --> 00:22:37,73 OK Wait are you put the thing away. Which 214 00:22:37,74 --> 00:22:48,02 a chicken was hatching for me right now. This 215 00:22:48,03 --> 00:22:49,99 is a sex pot comedy production.